It has been nearly a year and yet, I still feel like an outsider. I know each one of them, but they have no idea who I am or that I even exist. I want to tell him so much how I feel about this, but I can't. It's my fault--I can't face them anyway. I'm too scared. I still have that feeling that he only settled for me. There's a whole lot of better ones out there, but he settled for me. They are a beautiful family, and, yes, I know the physical aspect should never be an issue, but I'm just too fucking scared. I hope I can overcome this. It's ruining me.

Reach for the stars, reach for the world! We're all just under the same sky. ☺

die trying

I'm all messed up.
I don't do my duties and I'm being irresponsible when it comes to my academic requirements.
Whenever I tell myself to do this and that, I still, always end up not doing them.
I'm so unorganized.
I have a severe mañana habit.
Whenever I find it hard to do something, I don't even exert an effort to try to work it out.
I have a bad social life.
I'm still stuck in my old study habits.
I spend more time on unnecessary things than on the essential ones.
I ask too many questions.
I'm always late at everything.
I don't take things seriously.
I have lots of alibis and excuses.
I hate this.

I'll improve myself, promise! I will not break that. I'm just not yet ready to start all over again. But I'll do it, in time. Well of course, before it's too late. Better yet, I'll do it now. I know I can, I just always take things for granted and end up doing nothing. Argh. I'll make it happen this time. I will.

bewildered.

Blogging? Well, it's not really my cup of tea, but since some of my friends have blogs, I was also encouraged to make one. I'm not good in web page designing so I'm not really sure what would this become.

I'm kind of confused right now. I'm really bored with all the things that are happening to me. Same things happening over and over again. I want something new. I want to spice up my life, but I don't know where or how to start. I always stay at home. Home-school, home-school, home-school...so boring!

For me, having low grades since I entered college is normal, but I do want to improve. I want to improve myself in all aspects. But every time I try to do it, it will always be unsuccessful. I'm too lazy! I'm too lazy to do things and I don't have the courage to do the things that I wanted to do. I have low self-esteem. Crap.

911! Could someone lend me a hand?T_T