It has been nearly a year and yet, I still feel like an outsider. I know each one of them, but they have no idea who I am or that I even exist. I want to tell him so much how I feel about this, but I can't. It's my fault--I can't face them anyway. I'm too scared. I still have that feeling that he only settled for me. There's a whole lot of better ones out there, but he settled for me. They are a beautiful family, and, yes, I know the physical aspect should never be an issue, but I'm just too fucking scared. I hope I can overcome this. It's ruining me.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

OH MY GOD.

I nearly did it, oh my God. Doing something because of a sudden rush of emotion will never do you any good. (According to my experiences, at least.) I nearly added him on facebook again! If I really wanna get over this guy, I should stop myself from doing stuff that will just remind me of him. (But I got over my former crush without un-friending him... Arrgggh!!!)

WHAT THE HELL, DUDE? WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO TO ME??!! WHY CAN'T I MOVE ON??? WHY????

No response.
Again.
Why am I being hopeful anyway?
It has been 233 days since the first one.
Still no response.
And now all I can do is listen to your covers.
'Cause I miss you so badly.
Pathetic.
Stupid.
Git.
You should have never sat next to me that day.
I should have just ignored you.
Silly me.
Idiot.
Fool.
Three years.
THREE FUCKING YEARS OF ONE-SIDED LOVE.
Pointless.
Worthless.
Senseless.
Useless.
Futile.

bewildered.

Blogging? Well, it's not really my cup of tea, but since some of my friends have blogs, I was also encouraged to make one. I'm not good in web page designing so I'm not really sure what would this become.

I'm kind of confused right now. I'm really bored with all the things that are happening to me. Same things happening over and over again. I want something new. I want to spice up my life, but I don't know where or how to start. I always stay at home. Home-school, home-school, home-school...so boring!

For me, having low grades since I entered college is normal, but I do want to improve. I want to improve myself in all aspects. But every time I try to do it, it will always be unsuccessful. I'm too lazy! I'm too lazy to do things and I don't have the courage to do the things that I wanted to do. I have low self-esteem. Crap.

911! Could someone lend me a hand?T_T