SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

OH MY GOD.

I nearly did it, oh my God. Doing something because of a sudden rush of emotion will never do you any good. (According to my experiences, at least.) I nearly added him on facebook again! If I really wanna get over this guy, I should stop myself from doing stuff that will just remind me of him. (But I got over my former crush without un-friending him... Arrgggh!!!)

WHAT THE HELL, DUDE? WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO TO ME??!! WHY CAN'T I MOVE ON??? WHY????

No response.
Again.
Why am I being hopeful anyway?
It has been 233 days since the first one.
Still no response.
And now all I can do is listen to your covers.
'Cause I miss you so badly.
Pathetic.
Stupid.
Git.
You should have never sat next to me that day.
I should have just ignored you.
Silly me.
Idiot.
Fool.
Three years.
THREE FUCKING YEARS OF ONE-SIDED LOVE.
Pointless.
Worthless.
Senseless.
Useless.
Futile.

Still contemplating and thinking real hard and thoroughly if I should give "it" to him or not. I mean, come on, what if I did and we become classmates again after sometime? It will be very, very AWKWARD. I cannot handle such awkwardness, not to mention how hard it'll be hard to concentrate in class with such awkwardness in the air. I'm not gonna ask anything in return, I just wanna give "it" to him. Argh. What to do, what to do? Should I or should I not?:|

I terribly miss talking to you. I wish you will activate your formspring account again some time soon. And yes, I know that it's a pathetic and stalker-ish way of doing so. But I don't have a choice, I can't talk to you up front.:|

He just made his Facebook his online diary and he already posted two entries. It's nice to know that's he's opening up and letting other people know about his daily accounts. I wanted so much to tell him to create a blog instead so that he could keep his older entries when the time comes that the About Me section in his profile page runs out of characters.

If only I could post it right onto your wall: birthday ko, batiin mo ko!

But sigh, I can't. We're not close, just mere Facebook friends. That sucks. The person I wanted the most to greet me on my day won't be able to do so. I guess I'll just satisfy myself by listening to his covers before going to sleep. What a hopeless romantic.

Did I just say "Am I dreaming?" in my own dream?

I can't believe myself when I woke up the other day, still thinking about my dream. I literally asked someone in my dream if I was actually dreaming because I was so happy and very excited at that moment. He said no, I wasn't, so I asked him to pinch me to prove it. He hesitated, but went on pinching me later on. I told him to pinch harder because it didn't hurt at all. I didn't know if he didn't want to hurt me or because you really never get hurt in dreams. Well, it just goes to show that I was really dreaming at that time.

So when I opened my eyes, I didn't move and tried to sleep again. I read somewhere that you will be able continue your dream if you just stay where you were the moment you opened your eyes, in the same exact position. But it was unsuccessful. I tried for several times, but the overwhelming thought of him being in my dream filled my mind that it made me unable to fall back to sleep again.:| Oh well, maybe I could dream about him some other time. Who knows, it might be tonight. I was supposed to wish for him on 11:11, but my Desktop clock now reads 1:41 am. Maybe I should re-phrase the last statement: Who knows, it might be this morning. LOL.

I wish that dream will come true.