I have always wondered why I'm inclined to watching comedic TV series with plots revolving around a group of friends. And now, I finally have the answer: I don't have one.

Maybe I long for the same kind of friendship with people, and I only get to 'experience' it when I watch these kinds of shows/movies. Pathetic. Sad.

But then again I have this issue of wanting to be alone with myself majority of the time and hanging out with people tends to drain me. And I only get this social energy surges about once a week (if I'm lucky), or probably just twice a month.

I *think* I missed out on being part of a certain group of friends because "di kasi ako laging napunta" to that certain place, and this other girl got to be a part of it because she would always go there after work. I used to be the one always going there. But for a certain amount of time that I did not, I didn't get to be a part of a group. Again.

Yes, again. It first happened in third year high school, I was close (or I thought so) with majority of the members of this so called barkada, but then I did not join their after school gala on the first day of school, so I did not make the cut. I pathetically ask this certain classmate if I'm part of it (my God, the audacity and naivety of the teenage me), and she said no, because only those who came with them on that gala are the members. Imagine my dismay.

But lo and behold, I pushed myself to still be friends with them. I shoved myself down their throats. And continued to do so for the rest of high school, all through college, and even after.

But now? I think I've had enough. It's time to stop. I know when I'm not wanted, and I will not ignore it anymore. I will step away.

It's been a long time coming. I'm ready.